and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
