Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
