And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
