Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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