"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
only you would photoshop your dick
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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