I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
