no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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