I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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