I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
