haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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