My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
