im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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