life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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