So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
