that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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