My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
