It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
