Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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