Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
