So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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