Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
