we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
