i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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