I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
do nipples grow back?
Randomize