just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
