I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
