I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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