i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize