ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
