I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize