we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
