i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
