I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
