I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
