dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
