It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
