it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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