I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
