kristin has been a bad kristin
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
