I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
