I smell stomach acid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
