You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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