help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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