I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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