He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
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I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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