ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Randomize
