i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
