all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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