i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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