It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
