my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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