i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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