Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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