It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
