Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
