There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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