I smell stomach acid.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
