The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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