Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
