Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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