Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my shit smells like andre
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
