so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
