When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
