He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
