please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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