chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
