So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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