i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
