My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
