yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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