i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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