I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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