Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
